Wrapped in a lie, Nicole Chung’s story shows how layers of family secrets have unraveled throughout her life. Nicole had always known that she was raised in a good home with a loving family however, a perpetual void existed that could not be ignored. In the autobiography All You Could Ever Know, Nicole spends the greater part of her life wishing that her story could have been different or even a mere semblance of belonging to a household united in culture and tradition.
Nicole Chung was born in Seattle Washington to Korean parents who made the difficult decision to give her up for adoption. Nicole would soon be adopted as a baby by a Caucasian family dealing with a life-long struggle of infertility and eagerly awaiting to start a family of their own. In an effort to protect their new addition, Nicole’s adoptive family took precautionary measures and shared very little of anything related to her birth family and furthermore her Korean heritage. They purposefully maintained a fierce no contact rule with her birth parents which ultimately led to Nicole’s inevitable identity crisis.
Nicole experienced periods of discrimination in her early years when she attended school and the majority of her classmates made up the predominantly white community in which she resided. Nicole had been picked on and bullied when she simply wanted to be treated like everyone else around her. Her peers would often question her for not resembling her parents, notably a question that they themselves would never have to answer.
“Why don’t you look like your parents?” They would ask.
Nicole didn’t want to carry the burden of having to explain herself time and time again. Nicole started to feel more and more shameful about her ethnic background and ultimately felt alone in the fight.
The fact that no one in Nicole’s family had any vested interest in familiarizing themselves with her culture caused her to feel a deep sense of loneliness that permeated. When Nicole became closer to adulthood, she could not wait to graduate high school and go away to college which she did eventually, opening up a new door of possibilities. She planned ahead and maintained her intent with what she wanted for her future. Nicole was given an opportunity to start over in a place where her ethnicity would no longer matter much, similar to that of a diverse multicultural big city.
After immersing herself into academics and the exciting things college life had to offer, Nicole would meet her future husband Dan and planned to start a family. When Nicole became pregnant, she had a strong urgency and desire to find her biological parents. One day Nicole made a decision to finally seek them out after years of uncertainty. Her adoptive parents’ acts of determination in keeping her family history at bay could no longer withstand her curiosity.
“I have to make a conscious effort to pursue my biological family.” Nicole could no longer bear the thought of not knowing.
“This ordeal has to come to an end! I have to do this for my daughter!”
After initiating the search, Nicole was later contacted and informed that her birth family had been located. It was days before she could muster the courage to receive a highly anticipated phone call as Nicole stood in a quiet space.
Was Nicole prepared to hear the revelation after finally corresponding with her birth family after many years of an unknown story?
Nicole, who had been pregnant during her search, gave birth shortly after to a baby girl named Abigail. Nicole wanted more than anything to build a relationship with her birth family for over two decades. During the course of a brief period of unification, layers of family secrets have finally been revealed. This chapter had been closed for Nicole but now she has a chance to reopen it and rekindle her birth family relations now that the missing piece of her life has finally been found.
Children will tend to desire for control over their lives when they become adults, especially when there is tension in their childhood. Many happen to suffer in silence and cannot advocate for themselves. As minors, they are often prohibited from expressing themselves freely how they see fit. Nicole’s story has been an example of regaining control over the past and building a connection with her birth family.
Nicole knew the importance of maintaining her culture to pass on to her now two young daughters. Acknowledging the amount of work that still lies ahead, Nicole is intentional in learning all things Korean such as visiting her birth parents‘ native land, the beautiful language spoken, flavorful recipes and traditional garments representing her heritage.
Nicole’s story starts with her life in pieces but ends with a new beginning as she learns about her family’s homeland with her children. She has a chance to gain these areas of her life that were missing.
